


Conflate

by Dennou



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: M/M, Mangaka AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dennou/pseuds/Dennou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Shintaro’s guilty preference for genres mostly aimed at females expanded its horizons as he grew up, instead of doing the opposite, to the point he was starting to worry, for he found himself slowly becoming smitten of the idea of making a manga of his own. But there was no way he could do it alone, as he lacked the most basic artistic skills."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

All the way through elementary to middle school, Kisaragi Shintaro had always appreciated romance mangas. Even as a third-year, his preference for genres mostly aimed at females had not changed – although, on the outside, he treated it as a childhood phase for the sake of keeping it a secret. The sole person who knew about it – because he had been caught by her reading said mangas in his phone, which he would rather do than buy the volumes, for reasons already stated – was his only friend, Tateyama Ayano. When she promised not to tell anyone, he had been slightly relieved, until she mentioned how endearing of him it was to have such taste, increasing his embarrassment and making him wish he could die for a moment.

Things were that Shintaro’s guilty pleasure expanded its horizons as he grew up, instead of doing the opposite, to the point he was starting to worry, for he found himself slowly becoming smitten of the idea of actually making a manga. Whenever he was bored, he would end up mentally analyzing the stories he had already read and how differently he would write certain parts if he were the author. When he became aware, he had come up with a full-fledged plot and developed characters. Together with them, came the taunting desire to show it to the world.

But he could never do it alone.

While the fact he was still a student did not affect the possibilities fulfilling his wish, he lacked the most basic artistic skills. Nevertheless, he refused to go searching for an illustrator, since he had no expectative of success and no guarantee he wouldn’t be derided if he ever asked someone the favor.

He knew he also had the option drawing a storyboard himself and taking it to a publisher. In case it was approved, he could be appointed to a fitting artist and assistants, but he feared that was a far-fetched idea. His skills lay in dialogues rather than narrations, and his true desire was to see his characters gain life with the power of art – maybe even animation, if he was lucky. Most of the emotional effect that the story was supposed to have was through visual impact; the plot would not be enough on its own. That was also why he had not considered writing a novel or self-publishing in the internet instead.

With that in mind, he did his best to push back the ridiculous fantasy and attempted to distract himself with other things. Still, most of his free time was used for anime and manga, which were the only hobbies that had ever piqued his interest other than gaming, so there was no way he could avoid his major triggers. His efforts were fruitless – not that he had not predicted as much.

Miserably – like everything in his life –, he was stuck with his masterpiece of well-rendered narrative and original setting, which he was very modestly proud of, incapable of receiving the recognition he was sure he would if he could introduce it to an editor. Until graduating middle school, that was what he had been convinced of. Rather, that was what he had to keep convincing himself of, as many ‘what if’s had come and gone to haunt him, even during his graduation ceremony. After the event ended, however, he had managed to get it out of his system, but he knew it was only for the time being.

The process of ridding himself of his foolishness was an excruciatingly slow cycle. It would continuously **seem** like it was over, returning with full force when he least expected.

 

* * *

 

The orange sunset cast long shadows on the streets as Shintaro and Ayano walked home side-by-side. Their conversation about plans for spring break was interrupted by a vibrating sound coming from Ayano’s school bag. She swiftly took her phone out of it, and, upon looking at the screen, she began screaming in joy through gritted teeth while covering her mouth, startling both Shintaro and an old lady who was passing by.

“W... What the hell was that?”

At Shintaro’s question, Ayano grew abruptly self-conscious, and stopped all of her movements. Judging by how her legs trembled, she was reprimanding an urge to jump in place, making him wonder what had her so excited out of nowhere. Her restraint did not last; she started giggling the same way she had when finding out she would not be repeating the year and had passed her high school entrance exams, despite her horrible grades.

“Aah, sorry, sorry. I got excited for a moment. Do you... want to take a look?” she sheepishly motioned to her phone.

“Uh... okay, but why?” Shintaro arched his brows, “What even is this? Is it really alright for me to see?”

“Oh, it’s nothing personal. I just received a very nice message from a friend.” she declared, handing the phone over.

Shintaro tried not to care about her blatantly watching him as though waiting for his reaction, but from the corner of his eyes, he could detect her grin. He sighed in annoyance, yet when he turned his attention to the screen, he understood exactly what she was being so smug about.

The message consisted of nothing but a photo. It was a picture of what he assumed to be a sketchbook, with a colorful, anime-style drawing of Ayano herself – which Shintaro found to be very idealized. She had Ayano’s signature smile, but with a hint of elegance uncharacteristic of the real thing, like her hair, which swayed in an exaggeratedly graceful manner. In her hands was a middle school degree with the words ‘Congratulations, Ayano-chan!’ written in red on it. Regardless of the difference in the way whoever had made the piece viewed Ayano, their skill and dedication was as clear as day.

It was truly an amazing work of art.

Shintaro sadly took a second too late to take note of his (lack of) composure – his jaw had dropped and his eyes had widened ever so lightly. He could not even pretend nothing had happened, for he fixed himself too fast, quivering evidently while doing so. Ayano turned her back to him at that, shaking while fighting back laughter.

Faking a cough, he tried not to act pretentious when muttering, “That’s... that’s cool of your friend. It’s... pretty good.”

Shintaro momentarily scoffed at himself. ‘Pretty good’ was an understatement and he knew it, but there was no way he could express what he felt without sounding freaky. Before giving back the phone, he glanced at the name of the sender.

‘Kokonose Haruka’. It was a nice name. Although, Shintaro observed, he had no recollection of it.

As he and Ayano resumed walking, before they parted ways, he wanted to know more about that person, if just a bit. He was, admittedly, back to rock bottom by one of the many coincidences of life, the temptation of having found what he had been preventing himself to search for eating at him.

Knowing that asking right away who Kokonose Haruka was would make him a bit creepy, he concluded the best course of action was to feign ignorance and casually asked, “So, who was it that made this? I’ve never seen anyone in our class with so much talent.”

“Eh? Shintaro, you notice those kinds of things? I thought you didn’t care about the people around you at all!” Ayano innocently commented, and Shintaro did his best to act offended, even though his statement had been a bluff and her assumption had been right. “Well, Haruka-san really isn’t from our class – or our school.”

“‘Haruka-san’?” he echoed.

She nodded, “Kokonose Haruka-san.”

“Then, if not from school, where from?”

Turning to stare at him directly, she looked almost proud as she winked, “From the high school we’re both going to attend.”

Shintaro felt his brows go up. He knew Ayano was quick to make acquaintances, but not to that extent. “A... Are you serious? A Senpai?”

“Yes! It’s ‘Haruka-san’ for me because we’ve known each other for a while, but for Shintaro, it’ll have to be ‘Kokonose-senpai’ or ‘Haruka-senpai’. Ehehehe.”

“You’re doing that weird laugh again...” he remarked, sensing that the point where they would go separate ways was close.

“Eh... sorry.” Ayano scratched her cheek, still smiling.

“Anyways, how did you and this Haruka-san... senpai... whatever... know each other? Are you, like, neighbors?” he pressed on.

“Well, I don’t think I’ve told you before, but my father works at Haruka-san’s school, and he would always see Haruka-san’s drawings after class. At some point, he started asking to take pictures so that he could show me and my siblings ‘how amazing his top student was’.”

Hearing that, he wondered if his agitation was showing. If it was, luckily, Ayano seemed eager to see him in that state, as she was the same. But the zest faltered for a second when he registered a word that had escaped his ears. “Wait, did you say... ‘top student’?”

“Yes! Ah, I can send you the pictures of those drawings if you want. Dad still has all of them. But... why do you ask? Are you interested in Haruka-san’s art or something?”

Shintaro almost tripped. He knew he was asking more questions than he normally would and did not want her to get the wrong – or right – idea. The whole stupidity about becoming a mangaka and whatnot was something he only planned to reveal to people that he had constant contact with if it did happen. In case it backfired and others found out, he doubted he would be able to live it down.

With no way of giving a ‘no’ as answer to his friend’s rare sharpness, he opted for testing the waters. “To tell the truth... kinda. Yeah. You see, my... mother’s birthday is near, and... my sister and I don’t know what to give her. So, just now, I thought that maybe I could ask for a portrait of her. I figured she would like a handmade present once in a while. I always leave it to Momo to get her something, but you know how her taste is. Mom never complains about the gifts we give her, yet in the end, she never wears any of that stuff to go out.”

“My, my...”

He wavered slightly, unable to look anywhere but ahead. It was not characteristic of him to come up with so many lies in a row (unless when his sister blackmailed him in regard of telling their mother about the mature content in his computer), but it was necessary. Moreover, the last one had been more of a half-truth than a lie – his mother’s birthday was, in fact, coming up, and he really could ask ‘Haruka-san’ to make a present for her. Taking the opportunity, he would eventually take his solicitation to another level. That was all.

“We can pay, you know? Money isn’t a problem, though I don’t think it’d be expensive.”

“Actually, it’d probably be for free.” Ayano’s smile was now contemplative. “Okay, I’ll talk to Haruka-san about it.”

“Hm. Thanks.” he ended the topic there with a good-bye wave, trying to seem as calm as possible, “See ya.”

“See ya~!” she mimicked the gesture, albeit more enthusiastically, disappearing from sight.

Once she was gone, Shintaro allowed himself to smile like an idiot while mentally praising himself for his acting, until it downed on him. “Come to think of it,” He thought, becoming slightly anxious, “I haven’t got any experience in dealing with girls other than my sister or Ayano.”

‘Haruka-senpai’ was obviously different from those two. She had a gift and intellect, and was a year older. There was no way he could treat her the same way as them – he would have to be polite. Although he was no good with formal speech or anything of the sort and had been scolded by Ayano for it before, he would have to try it out this time.

The picture in Ayano’s phone came back to him in a flash. The only thing displayed in it was the sketchbook. There was not a single hint of what Haruka could remotely look like. What if she was some sort of school beauty?

“No. No, no, no. Slow down.” he reprehended himself before he could jump to any conclusion that could be harmful to his virgin heart. “I don’t even know if I will meet her in person. She might even refuse making something for Mom.”

Sucking in a deep breath, he increased his pace, deciding he should leave the subject for later. Even so, his stubborn subconscious insisted. Before he knew it, he had doomed himself incapable of not thinking about the many possibilities of his first talk with that person.

 

* * *

 

Shintaro did not let go of his phone for the evening, taking it with him even to the bath. For someone who used it solely for internet, games and sending a few texts to Ayano, he wondered if he was not acting suspicious with it constantly hanging inside his pajama pants’ pocket. Thankfully, his family did not show any signs of noticing anything.

A shiver went up his spine at the first buzz. He hurried to check his inbox, his shoulders slumping right away as he saw it was Ayano. A tingle of anxiety returned when he read her message.

_“Can I give your e-mail to Haruka-san? Your request was accepted, so I figured you don’t have to communicate through me from now on.”_

He released a sigh he did not know he had been holding in, sending a response as plain as possible.

_“Sure.”_

As he put his phone away, he found himself staring at the cage of his pet rabbit. He had read somewhere that playing with animals had a tranquilizing effect. It was a good chance to test it, and so he spent the following few minutes with his favorite ball of fur.

The next his phone buzzled, it almost fell from his bed. He scurried to put Tono in her place and wash off the hairs that had stuck on his skin from petting her. Once back in his room and looking the phone’s screen, at last, there it was. The sender’s name was unmistakable.

 _“Kisaragi Shintaro-kun? This is Kokonose Haruka. It’s a pleasure! I’ve heard it all from Ayano-chan. I don’t know if she has told you yet, but I’m fine with it. All you have to do is send me a picture of your preference and I’ll do it in any style you want. Also, Ayano-chan told me you were willing to pay, but that’s not really necessary._ _(*´∀_ _｀_ _*)”_

“For free, huh. Just like she said...” Shintaro murmured, staring at the kaomoji with a tiny smile playing on his lips. “That’s kind of cu...” his features distorting into a grimace, he stopped himself from finishing the sentence. “Aha... hahaha... no. No.” he repeated to no one in particular, voice growing stronger with each word.

If he was supposed to work together with that person, the last thing he wanted was for feelings to get in the way. If they did not, however, he had to admit it was not a bad idea. He had been secretly wishing for a girlfriend for a while, and getting one in such an anime-like way was very fitting of his situation. But even so, he decided, he would not get ahead of himself. He did not know much about Haruka. If she had a boyfriend, he would be getting his hopes up in vain.

As he pressed the ‘reply’ button, he attached to it a picture he had already prepared in case he received a positive answer. It was his favorite photo of his mother, taken the day before his father had died. With a slightly bitter expression, he started typing.

_“Thank you. This is the picture I would like a drawing of. I really liked the style used for Ayano’s portrait; if it’s possible to do it again, that one would be my choice. Also, I was wondering about how it would be delivered.”_

After sending the text, he collapsed onto his bed, relieved that someone as socially incompetent as him had managed so much. Ayano would surely laugh and joke about how it was very unlike him to be so respectful if she read it, but he wanted to make sure he was doing things the best way possible. Still, if he ever talked to that Senpai personally, he was afraid his way of speech would end up crumbling. Maybe he should not use ‘desu’ all the time and settle mostly with ‘ssu’ instead. Half-formal was still better than being rude, and was a good way for him to train until he could manage it. Alternatively, maybe that would not even be needed. Haruka-senpai seemed to be such a comprehensive person. She would probably not care about that.

Another buzzle interrupted his cogitations. She was getting faster, and he felt faintly hectic at it.

_“Ah, you don’t have to expose your home address to me, I think. You could come to my place instead and get it, if it’s not trouble. I think I’ll be able to finish it by tomorrow.”_

He almost dropped the phone on his nose. For an instant, he could not think of anything but about how innocent of a creature Haruka was, worrying about something so trivial. Regardless, that triviality was going to make things easier for his true intentions.

_“All right. Then you give me yours and tell me at what time I should go pick it up.”_

He got up to shut the lights and curtains of his room and returned to bed, covering himself with his blanket. Instantly, he saw the reply along with a goodnight wish. Feeling his cheeks go pink, he closed his eyes while trying to ignore his frantic heartbeats against the mattress. Even though the following day would be a weekend, for the first night in one or two years, he had attempted to sleep early.

“I wonder what kind of reaction she’ll have when we meet...”

 

* * *

 

That morning, Shintaro realized, as he stood at the gateway of a house fairly larger than his own, that he should have concerned himself with his own reaction rather than the other person’s. He should have minded his eyes, which had widened significantly as soon as the doors opened. He should have prepared something to say so that he would not have stayed speechless for so long. Most importantly, he should have imagined the current scenario beforehand.

After all, ‘Haruka’ is, by no means, a women-exclusive name.

During the short time span Shintaro had been motionlessly gloating the person in front of him, he was able to skim him from head to toes. Fluffy black hair, big round eyes, extremely fair skin, pretty face. Kokonose Haruka was, quite literally, as he had presumed – except about ten centimeters taller than him, with a timber that was close to his own and, above all, also a male.

“Hum... Shintaro... kun? Are you okay?” Haruka asked, clearly worried. Shintaro was brought back into reality with an unnoticeable start.

“Ye-Yes... it’s a pleasure to m-meet you in person... Haruka-senpai.” he stuttered, mentally screaming as he finished his sentence.

“‘Senpai’...?” Haruka tilted his head, his expression dissipating into one of confusion. He was apparently unaware of how his guest had sounded distinctively pathetic – either that or he was masking it so that Shintaro could be at ease. Whichever it was, the latter was grateful.

“Erm... I... I heard from Ayano we would be attending the same high school, so...”

“Ah, is that so?” Haruka smiled, and Shintaro could not help but sense femininity in his attitude. “Do you want to come in? You’re early, so I thought it was someone else and left the drawing in my room.”

“Uh? Okay. Sorry for the intrusion.” he said without thinking, and automatically regretted it.

What was it about Haruka that suddenly made him uneasy?

“Oh. I get it.” he thought, watching the older one guide him through the yard and open the front door. “It’s not him. It’s me.”

Stepping in and leaving his shoes at the entry, he closed his eyes in shame once he knew Haruka was not looking. That guy’s demeanor was favorable, but that was what made Shintaro feel like trash, since he had come with hidden purposes. Very briefly, making a manga did not seem so appealing any more, but such sentiment was soon wiped out from his mind. Deep inside, a stronger part of him did not want to give up, no matter what – not after he was already there.

“Hey... you look thirsty. Do you want water or something?”

He almost squealed as he opened his eyes to find Haruka staring at him with concern again, but considerably closer than he had been a second before. They had merely exchanged a few words, yet he seemed already fully comfortable with his future Kouhai’s presence (and also to have a poor notion of personal space).

On another note, though it was not hot outside at all, Shintaro did feel an unpleasant heat, so he nodded with a ‘thank you’. Contented he was correct, Haruka immediately headed to the kitchen, and he trailed behind distractedly. He had heard Haruka’s ‘follow me~’, but his brain only got it after he had begun moving.

He was charmed with the interior of the house the moment he properly looked at it. It did not have much smell, and the one that was most prominent was Haruka’s mixture of soap, pencil graffiti and something that resembled chocolate ice cream. He scanned the sophisticated place curiously, allowing himself to assume that money was not a problem for that family.

“Do you want water, juice, soda?” Haruka asked as he went straight to the fridge.

“Water, please. I... I’m no good with sweet stuff.”

“Eh?” he was about to open it, but stopped midway at Shintaro’s answer, as if expecting him to be more specific.

“I can handle roll cake at best, but that’s it.” Shintaro turned his head to the side. Maybe Haruka thought he was talking like a spoiled brat, but he could not care less.

As if to contradict him, Haruka merely snorted, “What are you saying~? Sweets are so good~! Have you ever tried coke?”

Taken aback by the unforeseen, playful tone, Shintaro stammered, “H-Huh? No...”

“Then how do you know you don’t like it?”

He fought the urge to twist his lips. Haruka sounded like his mother. “I’ve never liked any kind of sweet, and coke is sweet, so...”

“Come on, there’re many different kinds of ‘sweet’.” Haruka approached him with an opened can. “Here you go.”

“S... Senpa...”

“Just a try. If you don’t like it, I’ll have the rest and give you something else. That’s fine, right?” his smile remained unchanged. It was a bit forceful of his part, yet even that had a hint of gentleness when he did it.

Shintaro wound up accepting the offer; he had no motive not to if he would not have to drink the whole thing. The first sip was cautious, for he did not want to end up spitting it out. To his surprise, when the black liquid touched his tongue, something sparkled within him. His heart swelled, narrow eyes filling with light. He then took a gulp, and another, and another. Before he knew it, he was unable to stop.

He was ascending.

“Wh... wha... this... is so **delicious**...” he felt the need to say, but regretted it upon remembering Haruka was beside him. He also regretted that he had raised his head to look at Haruka in a momentary need to check if he had overdone it, since the older one was staring at him as if he had just witnessed someone having a spiritual experience (which was not wrong).

At a loss of what to say, both stayed quiet for a matter of seconds, before Haruka burst into a fit of small giggles. “Sorry.” he mustered while attempting to control himself and failing wonderfully, “I... I’ve never seen someone try something... with so much gusto before.”

“I... Is that so...” Shintaro was almost suffocated by the warmth gathered from the blood rapidly rushing up to his head. He had not been ridiculed in any way – in fact, he was starting to doubt Haruka had the ability to make fun of someone –, but it was undeniable that he had humored his future Senpai without meaning to.

“I’m... I’m going to get the sketchbook now.” Haruka announced, perceiving how he felt. “Shintaro-kun, you can wait here. Take a seat if you want.”

With that, off he went, and nothing but the chirps of birds outside could be heard as Shintaro stood alone in the middle of the room. Maybe a normal person would feel out of place being left by themselves in someone else’s home, but a teen as introverted as him could not be more akin to solitude. He took the liberty to sit on one of the chairs placed in front of the dining table, making as little noise as possible. There, he resumed drinking, in love with every drop.

Ayano was probably going to ask how things went. He decided right then and there that he would leave out the details, and prayed that she would not ask Haruka about it as well.

Just so that he would not sink even deeper into surliness, Shintaro dove into thoughts. The first thing that came to him was that something about Haruka was familiar, but he could not figure out what exactly. In his head, Haruka's image overlapped with that of other people he knew, but very abstractly.

Shintaro could already tell by exchanging messages with him, but it had now become glaringly clearer how the two of them were total opposites, except for having a high IQ. From what he could collect, Haruka was carefree, gullible and quirky. Shintaro was, without a doubt, very close to people who were exactly like that.

“Ah,” he mentally sighed, “that’s right.”

Yet another thing he had been mistaken about when creating expectations of how ‘Haruka-san’ would be. He did resemble Momo and Ayano. After having actually seen Haruka’s movements and expressions – all girly, with a hint of clumsiness in them –, Shintaro was certain that he was very similar to his younger sister and friend.

Strangely, though, he was not the **same** as them. It felt as if some detail was escaping Shintaro’s perception – something essential, which defined Haruka as a person, that differed him from those two. Shintaro did not know enough about him, so he could not say for sure what it was, but he could already eliminate one characteristic from the list – Ayano had mentioned how Haruka was smart, yet that quality of his had not manifested in Shintaro’s presence. It had to be something else.

He took the last gulp of cola with lids closed, ceasing his trail of thoughts so that he could savor the moment. As he finished, he put the can on top of the hard, rich wood and wiped his mouth with his jersey. He was more than satisfied with getting rid of the sensation of burning down from inside out.

While the can was still touching his lips, he proclaimed, “May soda be eternal...”

“Wh-What are you saying?” he heard Haruka’s voice from a distance and almost fell back, letting out an ominous ‘hiiiie’.

As soon as he was able to process the sound he had made, he expected that he would not escape humiliation. There was no way even Haruka would not laugh his guts off at the ludicrous position Shintaro had ended up in or the horrible shriek that had left his throat.

Except whoever had talked to him was not Haruka at all.


	2. Chapter 2

From the kitchen’s doorframe, the one who had been staring fixatedly at Shintaro in silence for who knows how long jumped slightly like a startled bunny. Despite looking older than him, said stranger seemed genuinely defenseless.

Straightening his posture, Shintaro attempted to utter an ‘excuse me for that’. However, as if the words were slipping away from him, his tone gradually diminished until it died completely. He stared at the person half-hiding behind the wall, mouth not completely closed.

What had caught his attention about the tall youth was the fact that he was an albino. White hair, pinkish eyes – one of the rarest forms of albinism, no less. Another thing was that he, blatantly put, was a literal clone of Haruka. His hair was lengthier, tied in a ponytail, and his wary expression held no traces of Haruka’s vivacity whatsoever, but their features matched identically. The bedhead, the slight childishness, and even the mole under the right eye, which Shintaro realized was a birthmark.

The two of them were most likely twins.

“Aaah, Konoha!” Haruka rushed through the living room, “You shouldn’t walk around dressed like that when there are visitors!”

Uncoiling from his previous position, Konoha answered plainly, “Sorry. I didn’t know... there was someone here.”

“‘Haruka’ and ‘Konoha’... I wonder if their parents thought they’d be girls before they were born.” Shintaro sweat-dropped, not daring to say his thought aloud as he observed the duo.

He felt wrong all over at the sight. It was as if someone had copy-pasted Haruka and reverted his color scheme. Not just that – their personalities, too, seemed to contrast. While Konoha was soft and dull, Haruka was energetic and bright; they were like a bizarre human yin-yang. Shintaro would have never imagined seeing such an anime-like thing in his life, and could not help being amused by it.

“Now you do. Go get changed.” Haruka said in a slightly authoritative manner that held no bossiness in it.

“Hm...” Konoha complied with a nod, walking away lazily.

Shintaro concluded he was another weirdo, but of a different sort. Watching him practically drag his feet onto the ground, he noticed Konoha seemed to be like that on a regular basis, and not just because he had barely gotten out of bed (as implied by the fact he was still in pajamas). After all, Haruka was clearly very used to that behavior – he had not reprehended Konoha’s lack of manners in general, only how he was not decently dressed. Besides that, Konoha was sluggish even when speaking, and one would have to pay a lot of attention to his actions to be able to read him, due to a lack of emotion in his attitude that made it feel like his insides were actually metallic mechanisms.

If Shintaro had to exemplify, he would say Konoha resembled a robot.

“Sorry about that. He is a bit... hum...” Haruka scratched his head with an apologetic smile.

“No, that’s fine...” Shintaro lowered his gaze to the floor. Haruka must have heard his overreaction as well, which was why he had sped up. In retrospect, it might have been loud enough to reach the entire house. He hoped there was no one else in it, or he would not be able to come back with a straight face – if he would ever come back, that is.

“That’s good, then.” Haruka took a seat across the table, placing the sketchbook on it.

“Was that... your twin brother?” Shintaro asked as he pulled the empty can of coke closer to him to give space, wiping the condensation left from it with his sleeve.

“Yeah. You could tell?” Haruka opened the sketchbook enough so that he could look for the sheet he wanted without letting Shintaro see what was inside. “People generally don’t believe it when we say so till they take a good look at both of us.”

“Even though you are the same? Well... it’s the contrary for me and my sister. We’re not alike at all, yet people always guess it right that we’re siblings.”

“You have a sister?” once he found what he wanted, Haruka turned the sketchbook over.

“Yeah. Two years younger. Senpai, where’s the trash bin?”

“Over there.” he pointed, and Shintaro promptly got up to get rid of the can, as there was no need to leave it there.

Meanwhile, Haruka began carefully ripping out the paper. “How does she look like?”

Caught off-guard by the question, Shintaro reached for his phone in his pocket. “Here.” He passed it to Haruka, pretending not to be bothered by how the latter would repeatedly look up at him and then at the screen, where a photo of his sister was displayed as his wallpaper. After doing it trice, Haruka finally decided to stare at the photo alone. Shintaro might have seen a small smile break on his lips, but it was gone before he could confirm it.

“‘People always guess it right’, eh?” at last, all Haruka did was repeat what Shintaro had said earlier, giving the phone back. He took it as a sign that Haruka had not been able to find the oh-so-evident similarity. However, in truth, Haruka had simply not had the heart to tell him that he understood exactly what others deemed he and Momo had in common.

The picture he had been shown had been taken in the worst momentum possible. The girl on the screen was looking at the camera as if she intended to kill the photographer, whom he deducted to be Shintaro himself. She seemed to be scolding him, her brows drawn together and her hands forming fists. She was red with a mixture of embarrassment and anger, anko soup staining the corner of her lips and spilling down her chin. Still, judging by how carefreely Shintaro had handed the graceless image to someone else, it was safe to say he kept it as a fond memory, not as a joke.

The girl did not share any traits with her brother in appearance; the hair, the eyes, even the skin tone was different. But it was unmistakable – what the Kisaragis took after each other was the way their characters manifested. Specifically, their awkwardness. That was the conclusion Haruka was able to take, yet Shintaro (or anybody in his shoes) would have inevitably been offended if he had said so. Therefore, as the bad liar he was, he made use of a vague statement in order to be neutral on the matter, misleading Shintaro into thinking they shared the same opinion.

On another note, Haruka wondered why someone would use such a thing as a wallpaper. Chances were his to-be Kouhai had a sister complex. If that was it, Haruka could not help finding him a little gross.

“What’s her name?” he casually asked, leading the subject to another direction.

“Momo.” Shintaro tucked his phone back into his pocket.

“‘Momo-chan’, it is. That’s a cute one.”

“Was picked in the most ridiculous way, though.”

Haruka raised his head a bit at a smirk playing on Shintaro’s lips. “Huh?”

The smirk was replaced by diffidence as if it had never been there. “Ah, no... it’s nothing.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine~! Tell me about it.”

Unable to find the will to decline, Shintaro sighed. “I heard from my mother that, when my parents found out I would be a boy, my father wanted to name me ‘Momotarou’.”

“Oh, like the one from the song? Momotarou-san, Momotarou-san, okoshi ni—”

“P-Please stop...” he stuttered, covering his face. He was glad Ayano had not done that when he told her about it. On second thought, Haruka had a pleasant voice, and all the more when he sang.

“Sorry again! Go on~”

Something bubbled within Shintaro upon hearing the older one’s musical laughter, frowning at how he did not seem sorry at all. Nevertheless, he continued, “Mom didn’t think it was a good idea, so they went with ‘Shintaro’ instead, but Dad still liked ‘Momo’. When my sister was conceived, he was so eager...”

Haruka seemed to have become nostalgic, for his eyes shone slightly. “I see. Mom was the one who named Konoha and me. She wanted children with pretty names.”

“Oh, so that’s why...” Shintaro muttered in his head. Hesitantly giving in to curiosity, he inquired, “Senpai’s mother... is she... the person in that big portrait in the living room?”

It did not take Haruka half a second to realize he was talking about the black-rimmed portrait on top of the highest bookshelf – the kind used for the diseased. There was not much of a reaction from his part, but his tone weakened a tad and his smile fell into a solemn one. “Ah... you saw it... yeah, it is.” After a pause, he added, “She became ill.”

Shintaro lowered his head, throat strained – courtesy of being assaulted by a pang of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“Hm-hm. It’s been about ten years already.” Haruka said reassuringly, recovering like a flower that had been watered. He spotted a hint of shock in the way Shintaro flinched at the new piece of information. “Something wrong?”

“No... it’s... I...” Shintaro trailed off, debating on the best way to say what he meant to. Black bangs covering his eyes, he clutched his pants with sweaty fingers from under the table. “It was around this time that... my father drowned in the sea.”

It was Haruka’s turn to flinch and cast his gaze down, unwittingly mimicking Shintaro as he lisped, “Is that so...?”

All too suddenly, the breeze coming from outside was no longer refreshing, and Shintaro felt the need to break the ice as fast as possible. Luckily, he had one more thing he had wanted to ask, and did so without ceremony, no matter how random it was. “B-By the way... Konoha studies in the same high school as you, right? If so, then... should I be calling him Konoha-senpai from now on?”

Haruka’s response to the question was mixed up. He was foremost surprised, then seemed to be thankful for Shintaro’s consideration, but wound up looking troubled. Scratching his cheek, he confessed, “Hmm... not really... he’s repeating the year.”

“Eh? Seriously?” For a second, Shintaro had been proud of how he had managed to avoid a hitch, yet it turned out he had put salt in another wound.

“He’s in the special needs class. He’s kinda... slow.”

Picking on the meaning of Haruka’s words, Shintaro connected the dots effortlessly. Konoha really did give off an impression of being goofy and klutzy instead of cold and aloof, unlike what his appearance suggested.

“I see...”

“He excels in PE, though! He may not look like it, but he’s really strong!” Haruka commented, rubbing the back of his neck, “As for me... ahaha... I’m not athletic at all.”

Shintaro smiled lightly. Of course one would feel the need to brag about their sibling’s commendable qualities. It was easy to tell what was being implied - Konoha was not a burden in any way; his rhythm was just not the same as the rest, and that was okay.

Then again, one was extraordinarily good at what the other lacked – growing up like that surely meant being compared constantly. That reminded him of himself and his sister. While he was an honor student without really trying, Momo’s marks were worse than Ayano’s. But when it came to social situations, she was far ahead of him.

Feeling himself become a bit weak as Haruka babbled on, Shintaro was able to discern an unexplainable happiness sprouting within him. He did not remember having a more pleasant conversation with anyone ever, and had never grown so intimate with someone so quickly. Haruka was odd, but his docility and seemingly non-existent judging made him quite soothing. Perhaps, thanks to that, even if he refused Shintaro’s proposal, the two of them could still become friends.

“Ah...” Shintaro’s primary purpose for being there crashed with his line of thought as he came to with a discreet start. “Right. The proposal.”

“Hum... Senpai... the drawing...” he sheepishly reminded, wondering if he was not being insensitive by cutting the topic short.

“Hm? Wah! I almost forgot~” Haruka seemed unaffected, hastily taking the sheet of paper lying on top of the sketchbook.

Shintaro fixed the sentence in his head. There was no ‘almost’ – Haruka had completely forgotten about it. Both of them had, too caught up in their talk to think of anything else. Rather, even before that, Shintaro had been the one who was too spineless to direct Haruka to business. From the instant Haruka had offered him a drink, he had wanted to go straight to the real motive of his visit, but no matter how frequently he spoke, it would never be brought up.

His was supposed to be a simple plan, and it would have gone smoothly if he had at least mustered a “Please hurry up, Senpai”. Still, just as he could not bring himself to say ‘no’ to Haruka’s offers, Shintaro was incapable of trying to rush him. However, it was not that he was scared of doing it, for it would not be disrespectful in any way. He was also not shy to that extent. Something other than fear or insecurity was making him shrink back, but be what it was, he did not want to think about it. For now, what he wanted was for that affair to be over with.

That was what he had in mind when receiving the drawing. As he took a proper look at it, his resolve did a 180-degree flip.

Shintaro hauled his eyes over and over through the many parts of the artwork, his insides melting. It was hard to keep focused on one spot when there were so many interesting bits to it. The manga-like version of his mother was in the exact same style as Ayano’s, as he had requested, but he could see in it far more details than in Ayano’s one.

Maybe he had failed to notice said details before due to the picture he had seen of Ayano’s drawing being too small, or maybe Haruka had just made his mother’s gift more diligently. For confirmation, Shintaro asked to see Ayano’s congratulatory art, glad that his first assumption had been correct. He would have never guessed that there could be so much difference from a picture to the real thing.

Mesmerized with the masterpieces in front of him, Shintaro did not perceive Haruka nervously playing with his fingers. He was superficially tensing from watching Shintaro ogle the paper without any reaction. It did not seem like a positive response, and made what was no more than a minute a torturing eternity. Once he showed he was about to give his opinion, Haruka was embarrassed at how he immediately leaned in to hear it.

“Senpai... you really are amazing.”

There was silence again. It was the third time in less than half an hour. And this one as well had been caused by Shintaro’s reckless precipitation. His eyes widening, he tried to come up with a way not to seem so straightforward, but his brain went blank as he saw Haruka petrify before him, smile frozen in place.

Perhaps he should not tell Ayano anything about how things with Haruka had gone at all. Perhaps he should blatantly lie that he had the drawing delivered to his place and ask Haruka to keep everything a secret. There was already a mountain of things that she pestered him about, and that in particular was one of those which she would never let him live down.

“R... Really?” Shintaro was already scheming how he would beg for cooperation when Haruka spoke so softly that, were there any wind, it would have swept his voice away.

Slowly, Shintaro let down the paper and the sketchbook to reply, but a single ‘yes’ took him far more than it should have.

Haruka was pale as daytime moons – so literally that the sunrays coming from the windows made his skin glow when inciting directly on it. That caused his blush to be much more axiomatic than a normal person’s, and there was something about it that made Shintaro’s stomach stir. Without realizing, in the timespan both of them had their eyes locked, he had searched in Haruka for whatever it was.

He probably should not have done so.

It might have been Shintaro’s impression, but he could have sworn Haruka’s pupils had dilated. Even more than his skin, his dark brown orbs reflected the light and glistened as if they were made of glass. His head was inclined timidly, his hands withdrawn. With genuine interest, his eyes peeked up from behind his bangs and lashes.

Shintaro had never had a pet dog, but he did know what they were like when asking for something, and he could not unsee the remembrance. But that did not mean he deemed Haruka as adorable as a puppy. Not at all.

“Shintaro-kun... you’re very honest, aren’t you?”

As if coming back from a trance, he snapped, noticing in the process that his lids had lowered and his vision had gone faintly blurry. The only thing he had in focus was Haruka, and that had Shintaro wanting to purse his lips. Alas, he did not, concentrated on answering the question that rang in his ears.

Before he could do so, the older one continued, as though not expecting a reply, “Ayano-chan said something about that. ‘Shintaro is very blunt and has a foul mouth, but he never really means to be cruel, so don’t be angry if he says anything rude’ – I think that’s what she told me yesterday.”

“So she did.” Shintaro glared at nowhere. He was about to protest, but after his display, arguments failed him. So did his timing, for Haruka resumed talking, making him miss his chance to speak again.

“I was kind of prepared for it, but Shintaro-kun was really nice to me all along, so I started wondering if you were really the same person Ayano-chan had warned me about.” Haruka visibly relaxed, and Shintaro followed suit, no longer feeling the need to contradict Ayano’s description. “But, even so... that really got me by surprise. I’ve... never heard anyone compliment me so sincerely.” a tint of pink returned to Haruka’s cheeks.

Shintaro found his statement to be hard to accept, for his skills were as obvious as could be. When he was ready to say so, their eyes met once more, Haruka’s smile broader and truer than ever so far.

“Thank you. I’m really happy.”

Shintaro felt his shoulders go up and face engulf in heat with the unpredictability of the moment. He regained composure as soon as he asked himself why on Earth he was acting that way, detecting the small amount of indecisiveness still lingering at the back of his mind. Sucking in a breath, he calmly felt it dissipate.

“Erm... Senpai...” he began, nervousness creeping at him.

“Yeah?” Haruka gently urged.

“I have something I wanted to discuss with you. I was still sitting on the fence about it till just now, but, after having seen this,” he motioned to the drawing of his mother, “I’ve... made up my mind.”

 

* * *

 

In all honesty, Shintaro could not believe how swimmingly things had gone from there. Haruka accepted his idea so easily he had to make sure to have not misheard it. His Senpai had assured him that the whole thing seemed like a unique experience, and so was more than worth the shot.

Just for the sake of not getting carried away, Shintaro had bothered to inquire about Haruka’s studies and if becoming an illustrator at tender age would not end up ruining his academic life. Thankfully, Haruka learned with as little effort as Shintaro himself, for he admitted he never studied at all. In short, there was nothing that could hold them down.

At last, Shintaro could share his story with someone. It was almost too good to be true.

Since Haruka was a good listener, he had to fight the overexcitement. He lost and was aware of it, but pretended not to be, as he could no longer control himself. The more he proceeded, the more Haruka’s responses fueled him with satisfaction. He was also able to figure Haruka had a taste in manga close to his own and that they had similar views on narratives and tropes. Haruka wound up giving valuable tips that he went as far as to write down, as to not forget them.

Things progressed quickly; the two only stopped when noticing Konoha was still not back from changing into more-presentable clothes. Excusing himself, Haruka went to check on him, only to find out he had gone back to sleep. With multiple apologies, Haruka explained he would have to help his brother get up before lunch.

From what Shintaro could comprise, Konoha had the tendency of falling into deep slumber whenever and wherever. Understandingly, he bid his Senpai goodbye, but not before asking him for a more convenient way of contacting him. He would have too much to say to send through text, which would also make phone calls very expensive.

That was how the two of them started using internet calls.

After he was done explaining the general plot, Shintaro begun talking about the characters. He was more than pleased to see Haruka suggesting additions here and there to them and going as far as making character designs for each, receiving immediate approval. Amidst it all, Shintaro ended up discovering Haruka’s love for gaming. Their conversations started taking a personal course, and even more when Haruka came up with the suggestion of online matches.

At that point, Haruka was no longer just a partner or someone Shintaro could respect – the two of them had forged a strong bond. It had happened so naturally that he felt the need to go over the events of the past days, startled at the fact one week had already gone by.

Still, nothing startled him more than Haruka inviting him to hang out.

As Ayano was on a trip with her family, Shintaro had been naïve to believe no one would bother him into leaving his room for the entire break. After so many years of trial and failure, his family knew it was useless to do so. But he could now see how wrong he had been. However, by some miracle not even he himself could comprehend, he did not mind it. Rather, he was flattered that Haruka enjoyed his company that much.

 

* * *

 

The first time, they went to an art supply store. Both had done a complete research on the materials for drawing manga, which neither was familiar with, and gone looking for them together. It was supposedly trivial, yet it took them a great deal to get all of the material. Shintaro would never consider it a waste.

The second time, it was to a café. Haruka had wanted to show the fruits of his experiments personally, since a scanner could omit important particularities. Shintaro was happy to see how he was doing his best, already nearly dominating the techniques with the efficacy of a pro. If he were able to keep up that way, Haruka assured, he would be able to use all the pens with perfection by the end of the month.

That day, they were done fairly quickly, and so had spent the rest of the afternoon chatting while devouring a parfait Haruka had ordered before Shintaro’s arrival. It was a deluxe one, much bigger than what only two people were supposed to handle, yet they successfully finished it.

Ever since Shintaro had tasted the marvelous elixir that was cola, he had earned the push he needed to get rid of his bias towards sweets. Once Haruka offered him a bite, he gave in without much ceremony. While at it, he heard a small group of girls lightly gasping and giggling from not far away. He wondered why it seemed like he and Haruka were the reason of their agitation, but it did not take much for him to realize it – the bite he had accepted was from Haruka’s own spoon, by Haruka’s hands.

Indirect kisses were merely overrated, stupid clichés. Shintaro had seen far too many in 2D to actually mind them in real life, even in his own case – that was what he would have liked to think. Out of exasperation rather than hunger, he stuffed himself to feeling upset in the stomach, thoroughly impressed that Haruka kept up without him. The parfait was gone in a blink, leaving Shintaro to ask himself whether Haruka was really human or not.

The third time, to Shintaro’s astonishment, Haruka had called him over to the local arcade out of boredom. According to him, Shintaro was fun to be with, and the only one he could take to that sort of place. Agog, Shintaro could not resist asking why he would not take his brother instead. Haruka explained that delicate things like levers, buttons and consoles were on the list of objects that should be kept away from him. Konoha also could not read or memorize fast enough, so he could not play even if he did not have such ridiculous strength, which was a blow to his self-esteem. Refraining from questioning anything else, Shintaro ignored his sister’s ramblings of “why can’t I go too” and stepped outdoors for the third consecutive day – a personal record ever since he had turned eleven.

As most of Haruka’s schedule was occupied by drawing storyboards Shintaro e-mailed him, the two had nothing related to their manga-making process to talk about on that occasion. Haruka’s sole purpose was to have fun, and Shintaro did not know what to think of that, but he did know it set his spirit aflame.

 

* * *

 

“Aaah, the boss is gonna get me...!”

“That’s because your defenses are full of openings on the sides, Senpai. Try to cover up for yourself, and then you attack.”

“But I can’t press so many buttons at once!”

“S-Stay calm... you just have to use this sequence...”

“Eeh, what??”

“He’ll kill you—”

Not being able to stand the scene before him, Shintaro stepped in. Already having beaten every enemy on his end, he had gotten up from his seat to observe his Senpai. Haruka had also arrived at the last level, but was stuck there, extra lives wasted.

It would be terribly mean to push him to the side and finish everything himself, so Shintaro simply put his hands over Haruka’s, torso glued against his back. Needless to say, he had checked if there was anyone nearby to pay them any attention, relieved to see his previous fiasco would not be repeated.

Explaining the moves as he guided Haruka’s fingers, he could not help but notice how slender and soft they were. Just by how dedicated Haruka was to art, Shintaro had concluded his skin would be thick and calloused. He was proven wrong with the realization that he would not be able to guess if Haruka’s hands were a woman’s or not if he ever touched them without knowing whom they belonged to. In contrast, it was larger than his own hand in every proportion, like every other part of Haruka.

Pushing that aside, he gave the instructions, and Haruka attentively listened. The taller one gave it one last try, and once done, he let out a gasp at the ‘you win’ sign displayed in big, shining letters. Shintaro took a step back right away.

“See? It’s easy.” he attempted to say it coolly.

“Huh? Ah... hm. I guess so.” Haruka agreed feebly. “But I think I wouldn’t have been able to figure that out by myself. At least not after a lot of practice.”

“Senpai...?”

“It was the same when we played in online matches. Shintaro-kun is so quick to find solutions for everything. It’s amazing. I don’t have that talent.” he smiled, albeit not cheerfully. The bitterness of his uncharacteristic mood was palpable, and washed Shintaro with unease. He was not annoyed, but had definitely been unsettled.

Not being able to bear the idea of leaving things as they were, he took on a rare, slightly assertive attitude. “What are you saying? Before we started playing together, didn’t you mention you were new to these things?” Haruka nodded. “So? You said you’d need practice like it was something bad. How do you think I became a pro?”

“Eh? No, it’s not that...” Haruka waved his hands frantically. “I just don’t have time for it, so...”

“What do you mean? We’re on break. There are no complementary classes and you said you wouldn’t be traveling anywhere, so—”

“Sh-Shintaro-kun...” he confoundedly interrupted, “the manuscript...”

Once crossed arms slowly falling to his sides, Shintaro stared at him plainly.

Haruka had been warmly welcomed at the Kisaragi household a couple days before – especially by Ms. Kisaragi, who was more than pleased to meet the person that had made her beautiful birthday gift. The objective was (again) to show Shintaro how his skills were progressing, pretending to asking for opinion on random sketches for an art contest.

Haruka would normally feel bad about lying so blatantly to people he barely knew, but the possible effects of the truth tugged at his conscience. He had not told his own family anything either, afraid of a negative feedback and perdition of the plan before it even started concretizing. As he left, he and Shintaro had come to the mutual conclusion that they were ready to make a pilot.

“Don’t tell me... you forgot?”

“N-No, I... I was just thinking...” Shintaro cleared his throat, “maybe Senpai could... put that on-hold for now...”

“Are you serious? O-Okay! But, instead of putting it on-hold, I think I’ll just take it slowly. I’ll continue drawing every day, except it’ll be less pages for each. That’s better, right?”

“Hm.” he nodded. “Thank you.”

Half-smiling, Haruka looked somewhat lost as he pressed a finger against one of his temples. “But, aah... how am I supposed to do that? I have no idea where to begin from...”

“Do what?”

“Practicing, of course.”

Shintaro’s brow twitched at his own obliviousness. His brain was just not working right for some reason. He then pretended to be reflecting deeply, putting a hand on his chin.

“Well, for starters, you should take it slowly. Perhaps I should introduce you to a more suitable... game...” his last words came out slowly.

It was too late to realize he had said too much – he must have given the impression he was committing himself to aid Haruka with his training. The latter’s eyes twinkled like there were stars stuck in them as he asked, “Shintaro-kun, you’d do that? You’re willing to help me?”

Mentally face-palming, Shintaro knew he was the one to blame, having set the trap for himself. However, all of it could be avoided if he managed to say the magical two-letter word he used so much in his routine.

“Uh... s-sure...?”

The word that would disappear from his vocabulary whenever Haruka was around.

“Yay~! I’m counting on you, then! Thanks a lot!”

Shintaro received a very light punch on the shoulder with ambiguous feelings. He was glad Haruka was so ecstatic, but disappointed at his own lack of initiative. It would seem he was unable to deny anything Haruka ever asked from him.

It was not that he thought Haruka would not take a ‘no’ for an answer. On the contrary, Haruka seemed to be the type that was always concerned about how the people around him felt and would prioritize them over himself. The source of Shintaro’s issue was more complex than that, and he finally understood what it was.

Something about Haruka made him weak. From what Shintaro could observe in his lifestyle, he did what he wanted, when he wanted. Even if it could be impractical and reckless, he had his own path, and walked it in his own pace. Although that kind of person had never been Shintaro’s favorite, he was unable to dislike Haruka. That brought him back to when they had first met, and how he could not place his finger on what exactly he had seen in Haruka that was different from Momo and Ayano. He had just been able to grasp it, and his heart petulantly skipped a beat, as if to mockingly tell him his suspicion was right.

It was his frailty.

Haruka had already told him about how physically weak he was. Shintaro was not the world’s fittest teen, but he could see that Haruka’s condition was much worse. The ephemeral air surrounding him, along with his insouciant attitude, occasional clumsiness and the respect Shintaro had come to feel towards him were a dangerous mix. They tore apart all of Shintaro’s defenses and stripped him of his comfort zone. Refusing anything to him left Shintaro as guilt-driven as he would be if he were doing so to an elderly person, yet there was a bit more to it than that.

Bubbly and lively – that was Haruka’s natural state, and how Shintaro wished him to be 24/7, for it was proof he was at peace. Whenever there were any external signs of it faltering, Shintaro would find himself trying to fix it. Whatever trouble that would cause him never seemed like too high of a price to pay.

That could also be translated as him intuitively wanting to pamper his Senpai, sheltering him from any sort of unpleasantness. It was the same as how he felt in Tono’s company, and it freaked him out slightly, since he had never been so innately kind. But that was probably because he had never gotten along so well with someone.

Even if Haruka did not see him that way, he had at last come to experience what having a best friend was like.

 

* * *

 

Having returned to Japan, Ayano bombarded Shintaro with questions regarding Haruka and his mother’s present. She was contented to hear about how everything had turned out, as was Shintaro to hear about her fun experiences in another country, though he became tired when she dragged on for too long.

He spent rest of the spring break leisurely, writing storyboards and teaching Haruka all of his gaming hacks. Sometimes they would put those to action in online matches, and some others at the arcade. Haruka would also continue inviting him out eventually.

Just like that, a new school year started. Clad in the same uniform as Haruka, Shintaro and Ayano walked into a completely new phase of their lives, coincidentally ending up in the same class and the same seats they had been designated in middle school.

Other things were the same yet not. Ayano was still just as bad at studying, but instead of asking Shintaro for assistance as she used to, she practically turned Haruka into her private after-class tutor. Since neither of them were in any clubs, both would head straight to the library and Haruka would patiently help her out with homework.

It was only when Shintaro actually witnessed the two of them interacting that he could see how close they were, and so was not fazed at all when Ayano told him Haruka was actually her best male friend. He was later introduced to her best female friend, who was also Haruka’s friend and classmate.

He couldn’t deal with her.

Enomoto Takane was a good person – Shintaro could tell just by looking –, yet hotheaded, noisy, competitive and violent. Their introduction to each other was disastrous, to say the least, and bickering quickly became a habit. With his brotherly (or, in this case, more like motherly) pose, Haruka would try to make them cut it out, and Ayano would support him. Thanks to that, Shintaro and Takane would never be on bad terms. Only, they would not exactly be on good terms, either.

One of the causes of that was how Shintaro was unable to picture her as a Senpai figure. Not wanting to treat her with respect that he did not think she deserved, he had never used honorifics with her, instead calling her by her last name alone. Moreover, he would not bother with polite speech when talking directly to her, and the pronouns he used for her were nearly on the same level as the ones he used for Ayano. That, plus the discrepancy in comparison to how he treated Haruka, irritated her tremendously. She had scolded him non-stop at first, but his insistence tired her out.

Despite everything, her presence was inevitable. She and Haruka were as inseparable as he and Ayano were, but Shintaro had to admit he did not hate that, or Takane herself. Not like he would ever say it.

Other than when they were with her and Ayano, Shintaro and Haruka would visit Konoha in the special needs class. Shocked to see he was the only student there, Shintaro had taken pity on him and started having lunch with him whenever he could. After they got to properly know each other, Shintaro wound up becoming his first friend outside of two of his neighbors, who were still ten-year-olds.

They would also meet during PE, and Shintaro would make sure they were on the same team. That way, Konoha would never feel left out of anything, and it served purpose to Shintaro’s own convenience. He was reminded of what Haruka had said about Konoha’s superhuman-like physical strength whenever the latter touched a ball.

In that joyful rhythm, his life went on, without him noticing he was smiling more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to update almost on Haruka's birthday but I knew this would happen. University is satan. I'm sorry for the delay. Hope y'all keep supporting this story, shitty as it is (I didn't think it would actually get a feedback; you guys are seriously amazing ;v;).  
> Before closing, just like last time, I have a few remarks:  
> 1\. As y’all must have already noted, everyone is human in this story, so I figured Konoha should have a mole instead of those circular marks and wear normal clothes.  
> 2\. As previously said, Haruka isn’t fatally ill, and so the illness of his mother should not be of genetic origins. Because of that, too, I thought he should have classes with the other students. Same for Takane, or they likely wouldn’t know each other.  
> 3\. Yes, Haruka and Konoha’s neighbors are Hiyori and Hibiya. ^^  
> 4\. Blunt novel references everywhere because I have no shame.


	3. Chapter 3

After the last bell, Shintaro used to go back home, take a bath and do whatever while waiting for Haruka to get online. Lately, he had picked the habit of instead going to the special needs class and fooling around with Konoha until Haruka was done with Ayano, so the four of them would leave together. However, on a certain afternoon, Shintaro stood at the door of said classroom, blinking in confusion at the fact nobody was there.

Since Konoha never had his phone with him, it would be fruitless to try to contact him about where he was. Sighing, he was about to head out when a gentle voice called from behind him.

“Shintaro-kun!”

He turned around to find Haruka walking up to him and waving. “Haruka-senpai? Why are you here? Where’s...?”

“Konoha is sick. He took a nap in an... inappropriate place. Again.” Haruka scratched his neck in clear second-hand embarrassment.

“I see.” Shintaro nodded, unimpressed and taking the lack of details in the story as an indication that it was better not to ask much about it. “And Ayano?”

“She said she could do her homework by herself today, so she already left.”

“Is that so? How rare. Guess the teachings were worth it, then.”

Haruka giggled at the indirect flattery.

“But then that means... Senpai, you came just to tell me that?”

“Eh? Ahaha, no way~! We have each other’s numbers, remember?” Haruka reminded bluntly, and Shintaro hoped the orange light of the sunset would mask his blush. It seemed it would not be necessary, for Haruka did not even have his attention on him. He was too busy rummaging through his bag, taking a paper folder out of it. He offered the folder to Shintaro, grinning brightly. “I’m here because I thought it would be a good chance to show you this.”

Accepting it with care, Shintaro did not even have to open it to know what was inside.

“I-It’s done...”

“Hm!” Haruka nodded. “I hope it’s good enough. Don’t you... want to sit?”

He was about to ask the reason of Haruka’s question when he noticed his legs were shaking. “Y-Yeah...”

The Sun was half-gone, and the little light there still was came from the only window of the room. They sat against its wall, on the floor, over the sounds of the sports clubs’ members outside and curtains swaying in the wind. The smell of cloudy skies was brought in along with a chilliness that signaled rain was about to come – very characteristic of summer, which was just around the corner.

“Just a few days for vacations to start, huh...” Shintaro thought, taking the 40 or so sheets of paper from the folder, leaving it lying empty on his lap.

Four months had passed since he had met Haruka. Shintaro had seen many sides of him he would have never imagined that existed and how extremely flexible of a person he was. The manuscript in his possession was the biggest proof of that.

He wondered if that trait of Haruka’s was what made him a nurturing companion – or, at least, he fit in what Shintaro deemed as nurturing. Whenever Haruka was around, he would feel strangely relieved. In his absence, the hours would pass too slowly, and Shintaro would find himself skipping class at the rooftop, as he used to do in middle school. There was also the fact that, as feminine as he was, Haruka was still a guy, and that inevitably made his presence more comfortable. Unlike with Ayano, there were no restrictions to what Shintaro could say or how he should act around him.

According to Ayano, Shintaro also tended to show more emotions when Haruka was there. He himself was not sure of that, but it was of no importance. To him, all that mattered was that, with Haruka, he could be himself, free from any criticism. He was immensely grateful, since he ironically knew how much of a blockhead he could be.

Truth be told, he still had zero clue as of why Haruka would ever want to hang with someone like him. He had avoided thinking about it, for it would make his self-esteem sink even more. Yet, with time, he became more and more annoyed by his own curiosity. As he thoroughly scanned each panel Haruka had drawn to the smallest strokes, his concentration was divided in two: on how his feelings towards his creation were conveyed perfectly through the paper and on his incessant questions.

Once he was done, he was at a loss of what to say. There was nothing with enough impact to express what he wanted to. But Haruka was waiting for his comments – that was the only way he had of knowing if he was on the right track or not. So he forced his voice out, praying that his body language would show he meant much more than what he was about to say.

“It’s just... great. You’ve surpassed my expectations, Senpai.”

Haruka regarded him with an unreadable expression for a second, then broke into a curt, unabashed laughter. “I’m glad.”

Shintaro could feel his features twisting as he turned away. He had anticipated this day for half a year, but something was out of place about it.

“Why... for someone like me...” filled with self-deprecation, his thoughts escaped his mouth.

“Huh?”

Sensing a derangement in the atmosphere, Shintaro attempted to amend his phrasing, but in the end, his curiosity on how things would turn out if he opened up was stronger. “Ah... no... I... I just don’t understand...” he began, but his voice died at the gloominess of his own words.

With as much intimacy as the two of them had acquired, Shintaro had experienced a series of uncomfortable events due to Haruka’s lack of moderation in the way he spoke. He would say what he had in mind with ease, too innocent to see that some of it was supposed to be kept for himself. The moment Haruka gave Shintaro a look of disapproval that soon melted, the latter knew he was about to undergo an inopportune but flattering motivational lecture. However, he could have never predicted the way it would start off.

“You know, Shintaro-kun, I really like you.”

There was a brief moment of complete halt in Shintaro’s brain, before he turned many shades of red. “E-E... EH??!” although it was logical that Haruka meant no ambiguity, his reflexes beat him to responding and only exclamation spilled from his throat, making it crystal clear that he had completely misunderstood. Were they not in the ground floor, he would have considered throwing himself out the balcony.

Haruka was unaffected, tone smooth as velvet as he elaborated, “You’re a good person. Taught me a lot of things... put up with my selfishness... and you’re fun to be with. It’s a first for me ever being so close to someone. If Shintaro-kun is not my friend, then... I don’t want any other friend.”

Shintaro’s breath caught on. His notion of everything was slipping away, as if he was losing consciousness while still awake. It was the sensation of being somewhere between the borders of daydreaming and fainting. The only thing that made him aware he was not actually going to pass out was his intensely boiling chest and Haruka’s confession being replayed in his head.

His feelings were mutual. The happiness and satisfaction he earned from that were impossible to describe. But above that, he had no recollection of anyone ever saying something so meaningful to him.

The expression Haruka was making was going to be stored in his memory – he sensed that much, having no control over the mental picture he had just taken. It was almost ethereal how the mixture of sunlight and dust made the surroundings look superficially foggy, which, combined with Haruka’s shiny skin and fond smile, gave him an angelic air.

Like a flood, everything Shintaro had been repressing for the past months came back to him. How he would find himself thinking of Haruka whenever he had nothing to do, how he would be thinking about topics for conversations with Haruka on the following morning right before sleep, how he would do anything to keep Konoha entertained when Ayano took too long with Haruka at the library so that they could go home together.

That was how it all begun. Before he knew it, things had already gotten off-hand with his thoughts. It was all on his own account – mumbling Haruka’s name while snoozing, actually wishing to touch his sleeping face when seeing it for the first time, and worst of everything, finding the sounds he made when yawning remarkably sinful at times. Shintaro would always dismiss it all on a whim, but not without trepidation. Those kinds of things were not part of the being a best friend, but he had never had the courage to admit that, instead making excuses to protect himself.

He was aware of his sexuality, and had therefore considered that becoming attracted to another man from his school would happen at some point. He just wished that person had not been someone as precious as Haruka, whom he did not want to lose no matter what. But it had, and he was screwed to the point of no return the moment he had started thinking that it was not as awful as he once imagined.

Shintaro knew he had been staring too much when Haruka started regarding him with familiar concern. He also knew that, since he was no longer holding back any inconvenient thoughts, he could not stop himself from deeming it endearing. And that last part made him want to punch bricks.

“Shintaro-kun, are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?” Haruka asked, ready to reach out to him.

He automatically flinched away. There was no telling what he would end up doing at the touch of that hand. The fact some of him wanted it either way spoke volumes about his state of mind.

“I’m... fine.” he muttered, not sounding convincing in the slightest.

As he suddenly seemed to find the dusty tiles under his feet very interesting, he figured his head felt extremely hot and heavy a tad too late. His process of thought had become delayed and he himself was superficially disoriented. It would seem his brain had started to overheat – not due to the sunlight on his scalp, but as an effect of a series of ungainly realizations.

He could tell he was leaning forward slowly, and did not have enough strength to stop simply by adjusting his neck. He hoped that merely supporting himself onto the floor with his palms would do, but Haruka reacted faster, allowing Shintaro to rest on his shoulder. The way his head had landed, his nose ended up in contact with Haruka’s nape.

The older boy’s ever-changing scent was flowery now. At such close length, it was almost suffocating. It did not help that his breathing was colliding with Shintaro’s own. Even so, he could not bring himself to move, mesmerized with the current reality and unconsciously savoring it. The only thing that brought him back was the sound of Haruka’s voice and two of his fingers pinching Shintaro’s right earlobe gently.

“Really, what’s wrong? Even your ears are red.”

All of the hairs of Shintaro’s back were up. Overwhelmed as he was, he could not give a reply. The club activities outside seemed to have come to a halt, since Haruka’s voice was the only thing he had heard, and he wished time would do the same, even if just for a bit more.

His eyes threatened to close at the abundance of comfort, until he felt a certain coldness spread across his temple. They then snapped wide open at the contact with the one thing he had just been trying to avoid.

“Hey, Shintaro-kuuuun~?”

His stomach flipped, his heart probably beating ten times a second. He couldn’t do anything as Haruka’s shoulder withdrew, his other hand rising to cup Shintaro’s cheek.

“As I thought, you’re burning up! And sweating!” there was a pause, Haruka’s orbs zigzagging, as though inspecting every one of Shintaro’s features.

Thanks to the last statement, Shintaro took into account how startled he looked. He turned away, as though to pull off an act, yet his Senpai was faster, grabbing onto his arm.

“We’re going to the infirmary.” Haruka demanded, using the same way of speaking as when talking to Konoha.

Both extremely nervous and annoyed, Shintaro hastily took his bag and stood up, freeing himself from the grip. “I-I don’t want to. I’m fine, r-really.” he attempted to say it calmly, failing splendidly.

“Shintaro-kun, you’re always so stubborn... but there’s a limit, y’know? When it affects your health, that is.” Haruka smiled slightly tiredly. “I’m not letting you go home like that. At least, not alone. Wait for me; I’ll just get my bag—”

“No way.” Shintaro refused all too quickly, albeit knowing he should not have done so, the feeling of being cornered being the definite cause of his lack of reasoning.

He went straight for the door, seeing as things were getting out of control. His last resolve was to escape by making use of Haruka’s bad shape. Even if he followed, as long as Shintaro kept up at a certain speed, sooner or later, he would fall behind. It was foul play and would catch the attention of the people around them, but Shintaro could not think of anything else. For the time being, he just needed to get away from Haruka, and then...

He stopped in his tracks, Haruka almost bumping into him.

...and then he would still be in a dead end. Things would not magically go back to normal if he were left in solitude for the rest of the day. Although what he had was but a crush, he was not naïve enough to believe his feelings would disperse just like that. But he would inevitably meet Haruka every day.

What an idiot he had been. In the end, he only had himself to blame. He had promised himself when they first exchanged messages that he would not let feelings get in the way of his ambitions, but had let his guard down once finding out he had mistaken Haruka’s gender.

“We can’t go together? Why is that? No, more importantly, Shintaro-kun... you’re weird today...” Haruka’s tone transitioned into extremely guilty in the most painful manner, stabbing Shintaro’s torso like a knife, “Hey, tell me what’s going on. Did I do something wrong?”

The Kouhai gave a pronounced twitch, causing Haruka to let go. His fingers brushed the knob, and most of his subconscious repeatedly begged him to open it, while the little decency that remained within him did otherwise. Being the coward he was, he usually would have taken action upon the first option. However, since befriending Haruka, his lifestyle’s long-established rules were progressively broken by no one other than himself, and this one was no exception.

He cursed himself for being so ridiculously feeble whenever Haruka showed any hints of hurt, no matter how minor they were, casting his eyes down. “Fine.” He took his deepest breath so far, easing his soul and ignoring the fact the entirety of his body felt like it was being incinerated, while his toes fidgeted in anticipation. “I... I...”

What he was going to say next would change their relationship forever. The possibility of it being for worse corroded him on the inside. Nevertheless, he knew this time would come sooner or later, and it was best for both of them if it was sooner.

“I think I’m in love with you, Senpai.”

Despite his difficulties up to the crucial point, Shintaro had managed to throw the bomb so smoothly he did not even feel it coming out of his lips. It actually seemed more like he was living an illusion, his senses numbed, the rest of the world dispelling in smoke.

Just then, the liveliness of the club activities’ students returned, along with all the noise from before, and that was the wake-up call. Shintaro clutched the sides of his pants in order to prevent his body from shaking.

He had done it. He was done for. Most of all, he was done with his lame self.

He actually did not want to see what was coming his way, but he had to confirm if he needed to make a run for it. The heaviness of what he had just done rendered him still, but he could bring himself to at least lift his head. The look Haruka gave him was one of confusion and bafflement, but that, regardless, demanded an explanation. It was terrifying for an infinite number of reasons.

The exit: to respond to it with utmost care. The issue: not being capable of doing so.

“Shi... Shi... Shintaro-kun... I’m not sure I understand...” Haruka forced his words out, a hand over his forehead.

Shintaro’s pupils shrank, his temperature slowly evening. “I’m... not saying it again.”

“No, that’s not what I mean... I heard you very well.” Haruka clarified, causing Shintaro to shudder. “I-I’m flattered, honestly. It’s the first time I’m confessed to, though I would have never expected it to come from you.” he admitted timidly, rubbing the back of his neck. Shintaro could see he was blushing more than himself as he frantically flailed his arms, “Ah! Don’t take it personally! It’s just that... I...”

There it was. Haruka was one of the most accepting people he knew, so he was surely not going to say he hated gays or anything of the sort. Instead, he was probably going to confess that he was not into men. Shintaro could already imagine what turn of events would ensue next. Only, he did not know if he could take it.

“I could have sworn you liked girls!”

Shintaro’s expression, which had already settled to one of sullen acceptance, morphed into astonishment. “Hah?”

Haruka balled fists, bringing them to his chest like a JK venting to a friend. “I was really shocked, y’know?? It’s because, well... Shintaro-kun stares at girls’ legs a lot, and... please don’t be angry... but the other day at your place, when Momo-chan and I were alone in your room, she told me about the folders you keep secret in your computer. I told her I didn’t want to hear it, that it was your personal stuff, so she... opened one of them.”

Shintaro paused to digest the information, before gagging continuously, as if chocking on noises of shock mixed with words of perplexity.

“Really, I’m so, so sorry!” Haruka apologetically clapped his hands together and bowed, something he had never done to a younger person.

Shintaro started mentally writing his own will. That was, without a doubt, the most embarrassing moment of his life. He did not have the luxury of making any more mistakes with his words or actions than he already had.

“S-Senpai.”

“Yeah?” Haruka raised his body, his hands still in gesture of apology.

“I do like girls. But... I like guys, too.” Shintaro finally said, feeling lighter, as though he had dropped a huge weight off his shoulders.

“Eh...? Ah.” The blunt statement downed on Haruka surprisingly quickly for his level of innocence, which, as always, was proved to not be ignorance. He gave a strained smile, as if trying to fill the gap of what to say, coming up with a predictable, “That explains everything...”

Shintaro could feel slight spams in his chest at that – he was at his limit. He had not yet been verbally rejected, but the way things were progressing, he could not picture a happy ending out of the situation. All the more as his attention darted constantly to Haruka’s lips, skin itching as though craving for the comfortable smoothness of a while before.

“Just... one more thing:” he mustered his last request out, even with his throat nearly closed, “please don’t tell anyone about any of this.”

“Ahaha, sure. You didn’t even have to a—”

That was enough of an answer, he concluded, dashing in such speed he had to be careful not to bite his own tongue. He had no idea he could be that agile or that his legs could stretch so much. Then again, not even as a child had he ever been so desperate. His name was shouted from behind, but since what he heard was Haruka’s voice and not a monitor’s or a teacher’s, he kept going without looking back.

While at it, he wished he could disappear and take with him every memory of himself from the minds of every person he had ever met.

 

* * *

 

“Huuum... Ayano-chan, can you repeat that?”

“Please don’t make me say it over so many times...” with flushed cheeks, Ayano let out a sigh that resounded through her empty classroom. “Have you ever imagined what it would be like if Haruka-san started dating a guy?”

“O-Oh... so it really was that what you asked...” Takane snapped, going bright pink, “Then again, what the heck?! Are you the kind of girl who thinks about things like that??”

“Eh, what are you taking me for, Takane-san!?” Ayano took a step back, hands up. “I just... I’ve been reflecting about that possibility lately, because... well...”

“‘Because’...?” Takane urged, although part of her did not want her friend to go on.

“D-Does Haruka-san... strike you as a guy who only likes girls?”

Seeing where the conversation was going, Takane felt her chin tremble as she stammered, “Y-Y-You’re making really weird questions today, you know??”

 “And I see you’re dodging them...” Ayano squinted.

“I’m not! I’ve never thought about it before, that’s all! Just... argh, how did it even come to this??” Takane scratched her head with both hands in frustration, disarranging her hair in the process.

“By ‘it’, do you mean... Haruka-san’s... preferences?” she shook slightly at the last word, nodding. Ayano merely blinked at her, replying so naturally and honestly that Takane had to remind herself who the person in front of her was, “Oh, I never had the courage to ask him about that, but I thought it was obvious. Haruka-san doesn’t seem like he’s gay, but... he doesn’t seem quite straight, either.”

The older girl furrowed her brows. “He... doesn’t? Is it because of the way he acts? I’m not good at guessing those kinds of things, so I’d never be sure. And... he hasn’t ever said anything about it. I’ve never seen him look at any guys ‘differently’.” With most traces of distress gone, Takane appeared to have calmed down enough to speak normally again, not bothering to cover up her disappointment at her own lack of observation skills. “I’ve never considered anything like it, but... it’s not that far-fetched.”

Not wanting to offer petty words such as ‘no need to feel bad about that’, Ayano did nothing but smile, as if to say she understood. Takane believed it meant the topic would die there when she beamed, “Then, how about you try it out now? Imagine it: what if one day Haruka-san tells you he’s dating another boy?”

“A... Another... boy...” Takane echoed, dumbfounded. She was not after any more clarification; her brain was merely attempting to compute and reproduce such scenario. It seemed she still had aversions towards it – not because it would be a bad thing, but for more personal reasons.

“Yeah! For example... let’s say... hm...” with a hand on her chin, Ayano seemed to be taking the talk a bit too seriously. The blush that had tinted her face earlier was back, more evident than before. With her mouth making the most discreet movements, she asked in the shiest manner possible, “Shintaro?”

Knowing her own cheeks were beet red, Takane could only muster incoherently, “W... Wh-Wh... Wha... t... the...”

“H-He’s the only guy we know well enough besides Haruka-san!” Ayano justified promptly. “And this is a what-if thing, Takane-san. No need to be so flustered.”

“T... That’s because you gave me a pretty awful mental image!”

The younger one’s expression became gravely apologetic. “Is it... because of your feelings towards Haruka-san? In that case, I’m really sorry for giving you bad thoughts...”

“No, that’s... wait, what?” Takane swore her body was hot enough for steam to come out of her ears as she pointed at herself, “M... Me?? L-L-Liking Haruka?!? Where did you get that—”

Ayano waved dismissively. “Aah, you don’t need to hide it from me, Takane-san. I’ll take the secret with me to the grave till you confess.” Judging by the reaction she earned, Takane wanted her to elaborate, which she did without batting a lash, “That’s very obvious, too. Takane-san’s crush, I mean.”

With her jaw dropping and losing her balance, the one in pigtails leaned onto a nearby desk, sight unfocused. “Eh... ah... no... you’re mistaken, I...”

Seeing they were starting to deviate from the previous subject and about to go into a troublesome discussion that would lead to nowhere, Ayano took the mature, big sister-like stance she used when dealing with her younger siblings. “There, there. Pretend I didn’t say anything. Haruka-san certainly hasn’t taken notice, so you’re safe. Now, back to where we were... what’s your answer?”

Very lightly relieved, Takane wanted to continue with her argument, yet swallowed it up as she knew how much importunacy she would have to endure. “W-Well... I don’t have anything against same-sex couples. It would be weird... but... it wouldn’t... be bad... I think...” she ran her fingers through her hair while looking away, finally ceasing to resist picturing the given setting. “Agh, what are you making me say?! I sound like a pervert!”

Ayano looked puzzled. “Why is that?”

“Because...!” Takane began, fixing her posture upon noticing she had raised her voice without meaning to. “Because... you know... there are... certain women that...”

Ayano cocked her head, “Hm?”

At the sheer innocence of her Kouhai, Takane could do nothing but deadpan. “You know what, never mind. Let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

In the end, Haruka had not been able to beat the bad weather. Since he could run for only a couple minutes, he had arrived at Shintaro’s house practically together with the rain. The downpour did not seem like it would stop anytime soon, so the women of the Kisaragi household insisted for him to stay and have dinner with them once it was ready. He had no choice but comply, for he had not brought an umbrella.

That was what he got for ignoring the forecast.

He tried not to appear nervous as Momo led him upstairs, explaining she would have to be his temporary host as her brother was in the bath. However, the room she took Haruka to was not her own, but Shintaro’s. Once inside, she went directly for the rabbit cage, watching Tono come out after sniffling a few times. Meanwhile, Haruka sat on the bed, taking Shintaro’s cellphone out of his bag and leaving it on the nightstand.

If he were to say that returning the phone, which had fallen from Shintaro’s pocket as he bolted out of the special needs class, was the sole reason why he was there, he would be lying through his teeth. His mind still had questions in pursuit of clarification, which he needed as soon as possible, or he would not be able to sleep a wink that night. And he needed to hear it in person – if he were to use their computer calls, it would be easy for Shintaro to avoid him by not getting online or simply hanging up in the off chance he decided to answer. Moreover, even if Shintaro did not do any of that, through a microphone, there was no telling he would be speaking truthfully or not.

That aside, he also wished to let Shintaro know he was not upset in any way, and that their relationship could continue being the same, as if nothing had happened, if he willed it. In case he did not, there was something else Haruka wanted him to know that would, for sure, put an end to their agony. He had already mentally rehearsed how he would say everything, believing his resolve was strong enough for it.

It could not even scratch the surface.

The second Shintaro opened the door with dripping wet hair and a towel over his shoulders, Haruka’s mind went blank, and simultaneously, the cheeks of both boys rapidly gained color. Blissfully clueless, Momo did not seem to read the mood and explained to her brother the circumstances, unknowingly breaking the tension. Ms. Kisaragi’s “Dinner is ready!” from downstairs was their ultimate savior.

Haruka headed to the bathroom to wash his hands, Shintaro trailing behind within a calculated distance. Momo would only join them after putting Tono back in place and cleaning up the hairs left on the floor. The time the two of them would have alone together was hopefully all Haruka needed to say what he meant to.

While going into the bathroom, even without directly looking at him, Haruka was mindful to keep Shintaro in his field of vision. The latter had stopped by the open door and seemed to hesitate greatly, but did not leave the spot. He had his head down, still as ashamed and apologetic as before, and Haruka could not bear to see him in that state.

“Sorry. I really didn’t intend to stay. I just wanted to give back Shintaro-kun’s phone and go home.” he said suddenly, his voice nearly drowned by the sound of water. He sensed Shintaro had briefly given him a look of surprise with a hint of disbelief.

“There’s nothing... for you to be sorry about, Senpai.” Shintaro spoke, more forcefully polite than ever, yet completely truthful. “I...”

Haruka sensed how the words were stuck in his throat, as if attempting to fight being pushed out. He sighed through his nose with a small smile. “If it’s too hard to talk about it now, let’s do it later. I promise I’ll listen to everything you have to say.” The smile broadened as he turned to Shintaro, drying his hands off. “‘Kay?”

The younger one stood there in silence, expression hurtful, as though Haruka’s words and attitude were a source of torment to him – as they were, but Haruka should never know it. He then dejectedly stated, “Senpai... you spoil me too much.”

Haruka put the towel he had been using back on the hook, his smile becoming one of self-deprecation. “I don’t think that’s the case. At least, not right now. And... even if I really am spoiling you... it’s only fair. You spoil me a lot, too. I rely on Shintaro-kun so often already that sometimes I wonder if I’m really worthy to be a Senpai.”

Shintaro stared standoffishly for a moment. That side of Haruka’s was probably something Takane or Ayano did not imagine that existed, and that Shintaro could never grow accustomed to it. Ironically, it was not as if he himself was any better, making him realize both of them were on the same position regarding one another.

It should have been obvious from the start. Both of them would try to bring each other up without being able to do the same for themselves, for they had been stuck in a cycle of motivation-demotivation even before meeting each other. The only way out of it, Shintaro deducted, was to act like the person his Senpai believed he was.

He just hoped he was not as overrated as it seemed.

“For me, you’re doing more than enough.” Shintaro blurted out oddly gently. He was not blushing this time, but he knew Haruka was able to see his Adam’s apple moving as he gulped, before continuing, “A-And... I find it fun. I like being with Haruka-senpai.”

He was expecting any sort of reaction to his lapse of character, except the unbearably soft “Is that so?” that Haruka offered him. Then again, Shintaro reminded himself, his Senpai was not one to be weirded out easily. Even so, there was something bothering him – a doubt he had to eliminate from his system, for the sake of being able to continue living normally from that point on. The only problem was how he should word it, but he could not afford to let that stop him. If there were any misunderstandings, he decided, he would clear them up the best way he could.

With that in mind, he gulped dryly. “Se-Senpai... I... we—”

“Make way, make way~”

Shintaro’s soul nearly left his body at his sister’s voice coming from behind. He would have let out a shriek very much like the one he had when startled by Konoha for the first time, if he had managed to actually produce any sound. He simply stood there, mouth agape and twisted, his corneas likely bloody from ogling at nothing in particular, shoulders up and fingers unwittingly wriggling. All of that without even perceiving – it was Haruka’s ‘pfft’ing that made him come to.

Seeing her brother was not letting her pass, Momo asked him what he was doing, but received no reply. He was only able to move after being gently pushed by Haruka, who laughed discreetly while attempting to hold it in on the way to the dining room. Shintaro was primarily firm on asking him to cut it out, but with Haruka’s hands kindly pressing against his back and the sides of their heads occasionally brushing against one another, he figured he did not have much to complain about.

 

* * *

 

Despite Shintaro awaiting the worst (a bad habit of his), things wound up just as usual. At the dining table, Haruka was smart enough not to pick a subject that would require Shintaro to talk much, which made things far easier and reduced the risks of him doing anything stupid. Thanks to that, Shintaro had been able to pay attention to his surroundings, and could tell that Haruka did not eat nearly enough. He consumed his meal with characteristic vigor, but the amount in his plate was that of an average teen, and he did not request seconds. It was not hard to guess he was holding back out of politeness. At least he was aware of how scary his eating habits could be sometimes. Still, Shintaro wondered if he could keep that façade up until it was his time to leave.

“Kokonose-kun,” his mother called softly, “I don’t know if you know, it was said in the news this morning that the storm won’t stop till tomorrow, and it’ll probably become worse. Even if we lent you an umbrella, you’d be soaked to the bone by the time you got to your house. So, why don’t you stay over for the night? It’s Friday; there shouldn’t be a problem. Unless you have plans for tomorrow.”

“I don’t, actually. I guess I’ll have to accept.” Haruka sheepishly admitted. “Dad will have night shift at the hospital. There’s no one to pick me up.”

“But, Haruka-san, don’t you have a younger brother?” Momo inquired, chewing on her gyouza. “Will he be okay without you there?”

Haruka nodded, “He will. The housekeeper will be home all night.”

As rarely as it could ever happen, Ms. Kisaragi smiled sweetly. “It’s settled, then. Shintaro, when we’re done, go get the bath running for your friend. You know where the futon and everything else is, so I’ll leave the arrangements to you.”

At the chores forced upon him as though it was nothing, Shintaro replied on automatic, not having any time to offer anything other than a meek, “O-Okay...”

The other three seemed oblivious of the state he was in and resumed their conversation. What had just happened was something he had not anticipated, for he had subconsciously wished to block out the possibility. After all, his house had no guest room.

Just his luck.

 

* * *

 

The advantage of the tasks Shintaro had been entrusted with was that they would allow him to breathe, since he would be away from his Senpai for a while. After getting spare blankets and pillows and leaving them on his bed, he watched Momo push Haruka into her own room. His mother surely thought Momo was taking the role of temporary host again, but in truth, Haruka was only being sweet-talked into helping her with homework, just as with Ayano. Shintaro mentally apologized to him, although Haruka had brought it upon himself when carelessly mentioning how easy middle school subjects were.

He headed for the bathroom, digging the extra toothbrush out of one of the drawers and leaving it by the sink, separated from the others. He then started the bath, sequentially going to the half-open door. Peeking outside, he listened intently to his mother taking the used dishes to the kitchen. Tiptoeing towards it, he stopped a few steps behind her.

“Mom.” he called out quietly.

“Yeah?” she answered without taking her attention off the remnants being discarded into the trashcan.

“I’m still kinda hungry... can I have the leftovers?”

She gestured to the counter. “Sure. Take what you like.”

Her son trembled while stammering, “C... Can I... have all of them?”

It was then that her movements came to an abrupt halt. She could perceive him constraining himself as she suddenly turned around, expression nothing short of skeptic. Normally, that kind of response would mean he was supposed to pray for his life, but this time, it was close to being comic, and Shintaro could not blame her for it. Clearly, nobody would ever expect to hear such a thing from someone whose bloodstream was likely 90% cola.

“Say what?”

 

* * *

 

Dragging Haruka out of Momo’s room had been a hassle, but seeing his expression after finding a huge tray of food on Shintaro’s desk had been worth it, in the latter’s opinion. Haruka was clearly ashamed of himself for being so obvious, yet grew relieved (and bashful) when Shintaro revealed he had lied to his mother about who the meal was for.

Shintaro watched him take a seat, knowing he had a couple of minutes more before the bathtub was full. He was hesitant about whether to ignore that and escape to the bathroom either way or stay for the short while he was allowed to when Haruka broke the silence between them quite bluntly, “Shintaro-kun, why me?”

The moment he computed the question, Shintaro knew exactly what meaning it held. However, due to the shock, what came out was a lame, “Hah?”

With his back to Shintaro, Haruka parted his hashi, awkwardly specifying, “Well, hum... what made you start liking me?”

It seemed Shintaro had forgotten to breathe. The danger level of the situation had risen too abruptly.

“Also, why did you run off?”

And now it was up to the maximum.

Shintaro swallowed dryly and turned away. For some reason, gazing at Tono chewing on a piece of lettuce eased his nerves.

“S-Sorry, Senpai. I... can’t answer the first one. It’s... too embarrassing.”

“I thought so.” Haruka laughed, a bit of disappointment edging his voice, as he took the first bite.

“As for the second... I guess it’s the same. It was embarrassing... and I was going to be dumped, anyway... so there was no point in staying.” Shintaro leaned against the door, rose-dusted cheeks indicating nothing but shame. He could not do so much as to meet Haruka’s thin frame, which had ceased moving as he finished his sentence. Before he realized, his Senpai was staring at him with widened eyes and a full mouth. It was adorable, but he had no space to think further about it.

Silence was the only thing that followed and, although Haruka seemed to be thinking of what to say in response, Shintaro figured he should leave before the atmosphere became too awkward. He stepped backwards, sneaking his way out. “I’m... gonna check the bath.”

He closed the door behind him, facial skin stinging to the point he had to wash it first-thing when reaching the bathroom. He then swiftly turned to the tub and pushed down the faucet. Although the sound of water was gone, he was not met with quiet – not when his mind was louder than ever before.

Perhaps someone with more confidence or that had experience with romance would have been able to succeed where he had just failed. Technically, Haruka had not dumped him (yet), and though that was surely because he had not been given the chance to, for Haruka to seem surprised that he had said the obvious aloud was unexpected. But Shintaro was not self-conscious enough to be overly optimistic about what would have happened had he stayed and listened to whatever the older one had to say on the matter. After all, shut-ins such as himself were extremely fragile beings. He could only hope Haruka would understand and cooperate with him by not touching the subject ever again.

In need of noise to fill up his buzzing ears and a way to physically vent his frustration, Shintaro brushed his teeth with force, before going to fetch the futon. He returned to his room sneezing, hands empty.

“Senpai, a-are you done?” although he firmly believed he had had his share of stuttering for a lifetime in a single day, Shintaro was back to his pathetic antics.

“Yeah. Are you oka—”

“The bath... is ready.” he interrupted, half meaning to, half not, opening his wardrobe. “I’ll lend you clothes to sleep with.”

“Alright...” Haruka complied weakly, watching Shintaro take out of his wardrobe the largest shirt and pajama pants he owned.

“Are these okay?” he asked, unfolding them so that they were in full view.

“Yep.” Haruka found the will to show a small smile as he got up and took them, purposely letting his fingers brush against his Kouhai’s. Being so crafty was unlike him, but he had a hunch that the excessive nervousness of his friend had to do with himself.

The way Shintaro almost jumped in place and immediately retreated to take the tray back to the kitchen seemed to prove him right.

 

* * *

 

The house was eerily dark by the time Haruka was out of the bath. The rain was still strong enough to cover the creaking of his footsteps against the hardwood floor. The warmth of the furo was swept away from his body the more he walked. Everything contributed to creating a perfect scenario for a horror movie, he thought while opening the door to Shintaro’s room very slowly, wondering if he was already asleep. Luckily, he was only lying idly on his bed, the white light of his phone’s screen cast over him. However, oddly enough, he was practically glued to the wall, despite his bed being spacious enough for him to spread around as he pleased. Another thing that was odd was the fact the futon Haruka was supposed to sleep on was nowhere in sight. Leaving his uniform on the nearby chair, he dared to ask about it, although everything in Shintaro’s attitude seemed to beg him not to.

“We only had one extra futon.” He explained feebly, lowering his phone. “But it’s been forever since we’ve had someone spending the night, so I guess Mom completely forgot about airing it every now and then...”

“Is it really that bad?”

“It’s completely infested with fungi... and other things.” The phone screen locked on automatic, and Haruka could no longer see what kind of expression Shintaro had as he spoke painstakingly slowly, “So... if Senpai doesn’t mind... we can... you know... sh-share...”

“I don’t mind it. Besides, it’s freezing downstairs.” Haruka spared Shintaro from further encumbrance with a nonchalant yet gentle tone. By the moment he crawled his way into the sheets, Shintaro was facing the wall completely.

It was only the two of them, and they would have to be in the same space until morning. There was no longer anywhere that Shintaro could escape to, as he was doing until then – he was cornered in every possible sense. Whatever Haruka would say next, he would have to listen, and so, Haruka concluded, it was the best time to tell him what he had in mind since that afternoon. All he had to do was to make sure Shintaro would not pretend to be asleep as he talked – which, as petty as it was, it was still an option, considering it his nature.

“Senpai... what are you doing?” Shintaro managed to ask coherently for once. His anxiety, however, had not been banished at all. If anything, it had grown stronger.

After all, Haruka could be quite merciless when he wished to be.

The small gap between the two of them was closed as Haruka leaned his head against Shintaro’s back. Shintaro could not come up with a proper protest as the other made himself comfortable, even though there was a pillow for him, his breath colliding on Shintaro’s shoulder blade and making his muscles quiver from something that was definitely not cold. He mentally cursed when Haruka started to casually twirl his index onto his ribcage, unaware that he was doing so to hide his inner turmoil and not wishing for him to stop, despite everything.

The scent of Shintaro’s shampoo and soap coming not from his own hair and skin, but from Haruka’s, had a disturbing effect in his already-tormented teenage mind. All the more when Haruka’s natural smell mixed with it and turned it into something new, nothing short of intoxicating. It made him dizzy and desperate to find something that could keep him conscious.

“Hey, Shintaro-kun.” at such diminished distance from Shintaro’s ears, Haruka’s voice flowed smoothly, so soothing that Shintaro’s lids threatened to close.

“What is it... Senpai?” he asked while lightly rubbing his forehead on the wall, in need of something to cool himself off.

“That time, back in school... why did you think I was going to dump you?”

A means to stay concerted was no longer a necessity; the smaller brunet was now fully awake. It felt as though he had been punched in the guts, but with something akin to hope, and it was somewhat pleasant, yet nevertheless unnerving. His palms began to sweat as his heart raced loud enough to make his eardrums shake.

“‘Why’, you ask...” clenching his blanket, Shintaro made sure his sentence would not be muffled by the rain. “Senpai, you’re the one who said that if I was not your friend, you wouldn’t want any other friend.”

Haruka sighed inaudibly. “Hm, yeah, I did. I guess... you took it that I would never see you as anything other than a friend because of that.”

Shintaro, who had been avoiding the person lying beside him for the majority of the day, impulsively turned around. For a split second, he regretted being face-to-face with the object of his affections from so close, who was startled by the action, but he would not be able to pour out his indignant questioning otherwise.

“What... the h... Senpa...” not knowing where to start from and wondering if it was not all just a sick joke, he could only come up with segmented words.

Taking pity on him, Haruka justified himself with a slight frown and a blush that was visible even in the darkness, “I meant it, you know? In every way there is. I really like you.”

A lighting cut the night sky like a shining blade, flashing through Shintaro’s half-closed curtains and illuminating the two of them. One would normally look terrifying in such light, but watching Haruka’s shy yet stern round eyes gain a sharp white glint – one that seemed to travel to their very core – had the air knocked out of Shintaro’s lungs. He could find no words to describe it other than ‘mesmerizing’.

As he had already admitted to himself, he had never expected that the first time he would ever confess would be to a boy. He had also never expected it would be reciprocated; let alone in such a pure, loving way, which he firmly believed he was so not worthy of. But it was how things had turned out – the thunder that followed afterwards guaranteed him he was in reality and blessed with something he would not allow himself to let go, no matter how uncommitted and careless he could be with most things in his life.

“Senpai.” Once the strenuous noise was gone, he found himself asking, “Can I... kiss you?”

Despite how it should be a given, Haruka had to take a moment to study Shintaro’s features and confirm if he was serious, his orbs darting left and right. He then nodded timidly, cheeks growing redder. “I think I’ll suck at it, though. It’s my first.”

“Same for me. Sorry for anything.” Shintaro could feel his mouth go dry as he inhaled and his lips cramping at the idea, dragging himself even closer to Haruka. He stopped when their bangs brushed and their noses crossed, not resisting taking in Haruka’s facial traits more.

As expected, just like Shintaro himself, he was hesitating. Shintaro could catch the sight of his glassy irises in-between heavy lids and doll-like lashes. A few strands of humid ebony hair stuck to the sides of his face in contrast with his paper-white skin, and together with his downwards-curled lips, was doubtlessly one of the most captivating things Shintaro had seen so far.

He was so very pretty.

While cogitating throwing Haruka’s previous question of “why me” right back at him when he had the opportunity, Shintaro raised a hand to rest on top of his cheekbone. He could feel it heat up as his thumb caressed the space just below his brow, successfully shutting his lids just before their mouths touched. He could understand the reaction, since he was doing the same, and since such a gesture was incredibly unlike him. However, he did not foresee that the temperature around him would rise so much after they had connected.

His insides were a mess of silent explosions. He was concentrated on only one spot – the line where he and Haruka merged, where he could draw out his essence and tenderness, as well as enjoy every last bit of it while he could. Yet, he could tell he had become sensitive to the slightest pressure, that his ears could catch the most discreet sounds, and it was like bursting open the door to a new world.

He had taken care to move slowly, and Haruka was clearly keeping up with his pace, both in no hurry to get to know each other in a way they had never before. Still, the urge to go a little faster, be a little rougher, was crawling up Shintaro’s throat and making him twitch slightly in the weirdest places. He ran his fingers through Haruka’s scalp, nearly giving in, but before he could do so, both of them were out of breath.

Haruka let out a ‘fuwah’ as they pulled apart, not far enough from one another for the air they exhaled not to blend with the one they inhaled, causing them to pant harder than would be necessary otherwise. They opened their eyes lethargically, overwhelmed by their own heat, staring straight at and into each other.

Facts came crashing to Shintaro like a bullet train. He had just had his first kiss. Something that many would describe as an awful experience had been the complete opposite for him. He had also most likely just scored his first boyfriend. He knew that the chances of high school relationships working out were of roughly 3%, and even less for first-time ones, but he could think about it later. What occupied most of his mind in the moment was how he had finally started walking his way to getting rid of his virgin status. That and pretending the small gasps Haruka let out, combined with his flush and the glassy waver of his eyes locking with Shintaro’s own did not make his toes curl in anticipation of things he could not name.

Realizing something he likely should not have, Shintaro tucked his head into the covers. Haruka merely giggled at him, blissfully oblivious and one-sidedly deciding there was no need to fight off the excessive comfort any longer. He allowed himself to put an arm around Shintaro’s shoulder, pulling him into his chest and resting his head on top of Shintaro’s own. The younger one did not protest, only coming out of hiding when it became too hot within the sheets. Once he did so, he was in contact with the smell that had nearly made him pass out just a few minutes before, but was able to hold his ground.

As the warmth of their bodies spread to the other’s, their feelings conflated. From then on, if one of them reached out, he would be met halfway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the delay, I hope this chapter is long enough. University wants my neck. :D Again, very blunt novel references because inserting canon is ironically pleasant and because their relationship is too beautiful in any form.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m trash. So is this story. But even so, I hope y’all enjoyed it. And, just for the heck of it, I’d like to leave a few remarks:
> 
> 1\. This isn’t a tragedy. There’s already too many of these stories in this tag and canon has even more than all of them together. I can’t have Haruka die here. So no, he won’t be sick, just physically weak.  
> 2\. This is supposed to be 15/16-year-old Shintarou, so he’s still the rude little shit he was till he met Haruka. To be honest, I think I took it easy on him and made him gentler than he actually was.  
> 3\. Since at least 99% of the fandom prefers to write Shintarou’s name in Hepburn System, I did the same for this story, but I normally write it the way it is in Kanji. If you people wouldn’t care about me doing so, please tell me!


End file.
